“Our first question on every topic should be, ‘What about the child?'”
— Katy Faust, Founder of Them Before Us
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When the Left-wing Seattle Times publishes a front-page hit piece against you on Mother’s Day, then you know you’re doing some good work to defend motherhood. That, in fact, happened to Katy Faust, and it’s a testament to the powerful arguments that Katy is presenting on the national stage. Her heart to protect marriage and children is provoking a backlash from the Left. (For Katy’s direct reply, please click here.)
We are delighted to share with our readers the story of how, for many years, the Lord has been uniquely preparing Katy to stand in this cultural battle and to speak truth against such strongholds.
I. The Divorce
“How is it that the daughter of lesbian ‘mothers’ has become a leading opponent of gay marriage?” asks a reporter.
The answer to that question is the amazing story of Katy Faust, President and Founder of Them Before Us, a ministry in Seattle that defends marriage as between one man and one woman.
As a young girl, Katy’s parents divorced, and she grew up part-time with her mother and what turned out to be her mother’s lesbian partner. Yet she yearned for her father’s love, too: “I needed my father. It’s the emotional food that kids need.” Splitting time between two homes, her father was involved in her life before and after the divorce; and while she did not consider her mother’s partner a “mother,” they were and have remained friends. From that first-hand experience, Katy understands both the struggle children experience post-divorce, as well as the dignity and worth of those who identify as LGBT.
What she also learned is that a child’s own mother and father benefit them in ways that unrelated adults do not. And, you must love your LGBT friends and family while forcefully defending natural marriage for the sake of kids.
Today, the Lord has called Katy to speak nationally and internationally in order to defend children’s rights: Children need and have a right to both a mother and a father.
II. The Name and Mission
“Our first question on every topic should be, ‘What about the child?'” she says. “For years, we have insisted that children sacrifice for adults. That has to change. It’s time to put them before us.” Thus, the name “Them Before Us” means putting a child’s needs before adult desires. “Children are not a commodity,” declares their website. “They do not exist for the fulfillment of adults.”
Since its inception in 2018, central tenants animating Them Before Us include these beliefs:
• Men and women are uniquely different.
• Mothers offer a unique gift of feminine love into a child’s life that no man can give; and fathers also offer a unique gift of masculine love into a child’s life that no woman can give.
• Both unique gifts are essential for the healthy development of children, and so whenever possible, children deserve and have a need for their own mother and father.
The mission, vision, and goals of Them Before Us can be seen below:
III. Two Wings: Need-and-Right
Like two wings, there are two central claims at the core of Them Before Us: children have both a need and a right to their biological parents. Let’s outline how they defend each claim.
(1) A Need: “Every child has a need to be raised by their biological mother and father.”
It is true, as Katy says, that “Not all marriages have children.” But it is also true that “Every child has parents.” Redefining marriage to be “gay marriage” harms the proper development and maturity of children because it removes a mom or a dad. If you redefine marriage, she says, you redefine parenting; and then—ironically, in the name of so-called “compassion” toward gay adults—you end up harming children: you intentionally remove a natural relationship with a child’s mom or dad. Children are victimized. A government should not say, “That is good” to something that is not good.
Katy asks,
If you grew up with a relationship with a mom and a dad who loved you, my question is: Which one was optional? Which one did you not need? . . . The answer is “Neither”. For those of you who lost a parent to death, divorce, abandonment, [or] maybe your donor conceived, how’d that go for you? Did you love it? No, because when you lose a mother or father it leaves a primal wound. . . . Now we are in a new chapter of history where for the first time government is saying, “That’s good [to lose a relationship with a parent].”
“You cannot legislate away a child’s longing for their mom and dad,” Katy points out. No woman can replace a father, and no man can replace a mother. Again, both common sense and the scientific research support this idea. She said her mothers could never be a father. “I needed my father. It’s the emotional food that kids need.” Kids connect differently with their mothers than they do with their fathers, she notes. Children in fatherless homes naturally wonder, “Where is my dad? Does he miss me? Does he think about me? Does he want to be involved in my life?”
(2) A Right: Them Before Us makes a second concomitant claim: “Every child has a right to be raised by their biological mother and father.” There are two types of rights, natural rights and legal rights, such as the United Nations enshrining that legal right for children. For more details on both types of rights, please click here for Them Before Us’s explanation. Below is a sample of the logic to defend the natural right:
In the parent-child relationship, rights are symbiotic; the inherent right a mother and father possess to raise their child is tied to the fact that they’re the only two people responsible for bringing their child into existence. . . . Parents don’t leave the maternity ward with just any baby; they leave with their baby. The parents’ singular relationship with their child confers the right to raise that child. Likewise, the singular child-parent relationship accords the child the right to be raised by his or her mother and father. Parents have a right to leave the maternity ward with their baby, and the baby has a right to leave the maternity ward with his or her parents.
“Need-and-Right” are the two wings upon which Them Before Us rises to national prominence to defend children.
IV. How to Make Your Argument
Katy is a dedicated, faithful evangelical Christian, whose husband is a pastor, yet you will rarely hear her quoting the Bible when she makes her case in the public square.
She has a good reason to do so, and she encourages us to make our case this way: “I think our side needs to do a better job of making their case using natural law,” Katy says. The phrase “natural law” means natural reason and logic, and not quoting supernatural revelation (the Bible), since many people do not consider the Bible to be an authority, any more than a Christian would accept ostensible authority in the Quran (Islam), Gita (Hinduism), Book of Mormon (LDS), nor Talmud (Judaism) being quoted to us. She continues: “I don’t think people should be accountable to my religion. I’m accountable to my religion.”
But she never contradicts biblical truth: she simply arrives at it via the route of natural reason, which, like Holy Scripture, is a gift from our Lord. Logic is universal and the common ground with every person because being “made in the image of God” means having the capacity to reason (cf. Aristotle’s description of humans as “rational animals”). As long as people have minds, they are going to want answers that make sense. If the Bible did not exist, how would we defend marriage? By using logic to defend biblical truth, she can appeal to secular, non-Christian people and meet them where they are to find common ground, a starting place, since all people have the ability to reason, but not all have the gift of faith.
And she has connected.
With her quick wit, she has appeared on hundreds of major television, radio, podcast, and news shows across the country and internationally, including an interview with the popular and esteemed Dr. Jordon B. Peterson. (A sample of that interview is here.) Wielding the strength of logic, she can hold her ground against the best opposition on the planet.
She also offers us practical insights on how to frame the marriage debate:
Katy’s gift to simplify complex ideas is uncanny and truly remarkable. In this X post, here is just one example of her explaining in simple, quick terms how dads bond with their boys in ways moms do not. The post was about a fun dad “Pro Wrestling” with his two sons by way of their backyard swimming pool:
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V. The Impressive Impact
What impact has Them Before Us had? Here is a small glimpse into their influence:
Here is the broader team at Them Before Us, each of whom has their own irreplaceable role in making the mission a reality: Jennifer Friesen is the Training Director; Mary Kovach is the Administration Director; and Patience Sunne is the Engagement Director. Executive Director Josh Wood is also a first-rank writer who has published an impressive number of essays defending marriage and biblical values. (Click here for his Substack.)
Katy now has expanded her voice by starting Greater Than, a coalition of 55 (and growing!) national and state organizations united to overturn the Obergefell (2015) ruling from the U.S. Supreme Court, the ruling that allowed same-sex marriage in the United States. Winning often comes by teamwork, and this coalition is formidable. (See their promotional video here.)
In addition to defending marriage, Them Before Us is not afraid to speak up on sexual ethics more broadly. They stand up for biblical values: against hook-up culture; against no-fault divorce; against abortion; against IVF; and against surrogacy. They are truly one of the most solid, uncompromising, and well-rounded pro-life and pro-marriage organizations in the nation.
VI. Our Ally
FPIW considers it an honor to have Them Before Us as a Strategic Partner. (See picture with Brad Payne, President of FPIW Action.) We, too, affirm the core tenets that children have both a need and a right to a relationship with their biological parents; they should not be “cut-and-paste” into same-sex unions.
Faust drives home a key point: “Children have a right to be in a relationship with their mother and father whenever possible,” she said. “And as a society, we shouldn’t normalize a family structure that requires children to lose one or both parents . . . Children have rights. The onus needs to be on adults to conform to the rights of children, rather than children fitting into an adult’s lifestyle.”
Such a powerful summary argument has elevated Them Before Us to become a leading national voice on the frontlines of America’s Culture War. They are willing to face darker cultural trends that many are unwilling to challenge squarely. Armored up with logic and biblical truth, Them Before Us “goes there” — confronting the sexual depravity and selfishness that inflicts so much of our modern society. They are a living testimony to the truth that God loves everyone, even the most lost and hurting among us, and especially those who, like Katy, have that “primal wound” in their upbringing. Them Before Us stands in the great hope that God’s bright light of life and healing will shine even brighter in places of great darkness.
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How You Can Support
If you, too, believe that every child has a need-and-right to be raised by their biological mother and father, whenever possible, you can support Them Before Us by donating online, and by following them on their social media. Katy herself has an impressive and growing following of some 50,000 people on her personal X account alone. Here are the links for Them Before Us:
• X
• Substack
(Them Before Us confronts sexual depravity, and so we caution readers that some of the material on these links is not suitable for children.)
Additional Resources
Katy’s books and other videos are below. Please click on the image.
